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Cruel Cruella, Moany Mrtyle and Grovelling Guilty Gerty

27th February

Most of you will never see the damaged part of me. I am a master of trickery, a whizard of Oz no less. You will only see what I want you to see. I have 50 masterful years of masking under my belt. Most will have never seen me melt. Only a few have seen glimpses of the explosive adhd core, you few know the score!

My sister suggested I name those pernicious voices. Those hidious dark tormenting beasts and their mental choices. Next time they arise within I am ready to greet them in the reception. I plan to show them the exit door of my perception. They are not welcome to stay over with their intent of perverse twisted joy and introception .

Mrtyle, she is a right moaning minne. She tends to whine and cry. She sees no light, her glass is half empty. No body loves her. How could they? Everything goes wrong and she believes the world is going to the dogs. I am left crying and lonely as she sweeps through my mind.

Cruella, now she is really mean. She is a sadistic total fucking bitch of a ringleader. Time pressure is the key that allows her in. Once she is in, she will push me, Sharna, aside. Every critism I ever got, she will dig up deep from the darkest depths of my mind. I don't know where the film projector of all my shitty history comes from, but her bag of torment is 50 years deep.

Cruella and Mrtyle then together take controll. I, Sharna, am helpless as these parts of me, these demons steer my body and mind. I watch as my voice is no longer my own, a symphony of vitriol and whine.

A child like tantrum takes over as my body exerts a perfectionists control. Sometimes things get broken, the anger is so consuming.

Suddenly the storm breaks, I become the sun and I push aside the heavy clouds. The fragments can't remain in this bright conscious light. They exit swiftly, gone. Guilty Gertrude remains. She is small and a bit pathetic. She runs about apologising. Sturdy dependable Phil, always bemused and confused with my dark feminine self. Then too she leaves as suddenly as she arose.

Next time Bitches I am going to be ready for you. I would not talk to my friends the way you speak to me. After all we are all one. I am sane, I know it's all me. I am going to hold that sun like a torch on Cruellas projector, Mrtyle will see that the sun still shines and Gertrude will have no reason for guilt.

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