Black Hole (Prequel)

Tuesday 14th March

I used to fantasise about my suicide,

I felt the existence of my entire entity,

My very being a sham.

I wrote poems as a teenager

full of angst and pain.

I did not trust life,

I felt that I did not belong here.

This life was not mine.

I saw pain and suffering,

I felt un loved and alone.

I was not good enough.

I was always late,

I was too loud, gave too much away.

I didn't do a proper job

always more and always messy.

Seeking approval constantly

Hiding behind a curtain of hair.

My shyness appearing to others

As self confidence.

Jealous of others.

I was truly unhappy.

I truly felt alone.